Mood Fixer Elixir

 I choked them to death, with my own hands, Pierced my thumbs so deep to puncture their glands. Were they a he or a she? I just couldn't tell, Nor if they now belonged to heaven or hell.  I choked them to death, but I wasn't quick, As I mildly enjoyed their whimper and squeak. The undulating struggle and their whispering cries, Brought joy in my heart but tears in my eyes.  I choked them to death, as I wanted to know, how much of debt would a human life owe? What value, what price could a mortal derive? just to understand that, I took someone's life.  I choked them to death, how soft was their throat! Like they loved it too, no resistance to note! You feel like a god, your soul feels so grand, When somebody's life is now in your hand.  I choked them to death, for a good cause, A social experiment to find our flaws, and strangle them down cause they don't deserve it, as humans have value only if they're perfect.  I didn't know who they were until I choked th...

       रजस्वला र मेरी दिदी  घरमा आइ टोपल्नु भाथ्यो भनाउदा बुद्धिजीवी, ज्ञानी, जुत्ता लगाई नै छिर्ने खालको रैछ सरको बानी, कोट टाईको पहिरनमा मयल टलकेथ्यो टलक्कै, शरीरको गन्ध पनि ठुस्सै , बसे म हल्का अलग्गै।  आदर्शवादी उनी, गफिए प्रगतिवादता खन्याउँदै, सर-सफाइका कुरा सुनाए सिरलाई ख्वार ख्वार्ती कन्याउँदै, समानताको विश्वासी, "मधिसे" लाइ हेप्या देख्दा मन घोच्छ रे छोरीको एसएलसी सकिने बित्तिकै अनम्याइदिने सोच छ रे।  घाँटी सुक्यो क्यार बरा, दिदीलाई पानी ल्याइदिन अर्हाए उनी, "रजस्वला चलेको रैछ" थाहा पाउँदा गिलास छुनै डराए उनी, भर्खर सिँगान कोट्याको हातमा बिस्कुट लिए चियामा चोपाली, सुनाउन थाले दिदीलाई आदर्श, आफू भलादमी टोपाली, " किन ल्याइस पानी? तँ नछुने, तँ अशुद्ध छस्, छोरी मान्छे धेर नउफ्रनु, टाढै कोठामै तँ मुग्ध बस। नियम नमान्ने नकचरी तेरो धर्म नै पाे नास होला, पापिनी भैजालिस, तेरो नरकमा नै बास होला! "  अझै के के सुनाए मेरी आमा बा लाई नी हकार्दै, मेरी दिदीलाई फोहोरी भने भ्वाक्क पाददै र डकार्दै। मयल टल्केको उनको, औंलामा लतका छ्न सिँगान सोहोरी, त्यस्ताले कस...

 We gotta unlearn lot of theoritical things, unlearn a lot of feelings and emotions too, unlearn a lot of own beliefs, unlearn a lot of criterias we set, unlearn/unmeet aome people, and unlearn ourselves at some point, and then rediscover, renovate, revise and renew 😊 My dad says a house's life span is 30/40 years. Then we gotta renovate. How do you expect this soul to stay in the same house for 70-100 years without any kind of renovation? Growth is a dynamic process afterall, and a Plant won't grow into a tree wont if it's kept in a small vase forever

 People's dreams never end. It never should. The bigger it is the better, because what's the greater thrill in life than trying to do something seeming impossible and try to prove everyone wrong. If you are afraid of just dreaming, how can you possibly think you'll be able to achieve it?  Step over the mockers, step over the ridicules. Have faith in the wings you dream of and just take the flight. If you fall, pick yourself up, because the world will be busy laughing, and try to dream of the wing again, this time make it more refined. And someday you'll fly. Or atleast you'll learn to jump very high and balance down your landing.

  " 'म' तत्व ( 'Mah' tatwa ) " or "The 'Me' Element" I was pondering upon myself when I realised there was someone beside me. A little surprised, I asked"Who are you?" They replied,"I am you." The facial,bodily details matched. So did the voice. I was surprised. "Then, who am I?" I asked. "You are you as well." Replied another voice. Their facial details, voice and everything matched with me as well.  As I asked more questions, more people started showing up who looked, felt and sounded just like me until the seventh guy answered, "I am me". Everyone else had been saying "I am you" till then. This was a little amusing. I had by then realised that somehow I had manifested different forms of my ego into seperate forms of existence for themselves. One claimed to be my ego, other claimed to be my humor, other to be my logic, other my grief and so on. They were all just me, part of me atl...

 Cut to the chase. No petty introductions as this is already gonna be too long. Let's try to talk about things that could make us happy. A relatively easy, one-day exercise for happiness.(Not really, and possibly with lots of flaws. But hey! It works for me!)  3, 2, 1... GO! As you wake up, tell yourself that "Nothing is gonna bother me today!" And you smile. No matter how fake it is, smile.  Be helpful that day. Do things that will make people near you happy. Be kind. Be with people you love. Talk with old friends. Talk about old stories, happiness and memories. But being too much of a yes man and giving too much time to others, one might feel like s/he has no time to give for themselves. And that's miserable.  Give time to think about yourself too. Try to find a balance. Do things that make you happy. Eat your favourite food. Go pay a visit to your favourite place. Listen to your favourite songs. All these basic things everyone tells you to do. Now here's my act...

 Sometimes we feel like we have lost our way or we don't know what we are supposed to be doing ahead anymore. We frantically look around searching for clues, suggestions, hints, help to find out what we are supposed to do, where we're supposed to go. "Hey please tell me where I'm supposed to go!" we ask to another forlorn mess searching for their own way themselves. But if we take a certain time to stop chasing and look behind, we find ourselves in a place or situation completely different from where we started. We have been making some progress afterall! But we just don't know where from and where to. We just dance. Move forward and dance. Pretend like we know what we are doing and keep going on that performance. Make it a grand, spectacular show to fool everyone into believing that you have figured it out. Including yourself. You perform. You perform until nobody wants to see you perform. Or maybe you still perform even when nobody wants to see you perform. ...

  Everyone is in a rush to be in a relationship with someone, date, feel the body, kiss, have sex, feel that passion of strange kind. It's good actually, but many do it staking their own peace. It's not just for the lust actually, it's to feel accepted, to be heard, to be shared.. to be happy. But at what? Some do it over their own misery. Do it if it makes you happy I guess, but not over someone else's misery or just to bury your own. Not having the key to your happiness is pretty much scariest thing, and completely giving up that key to someone without you yourself having any kind of master key is asking for a perpetual mess to surround you in a devastating way. I don't think it's wrong to wait. Maybe in vain, but I'd rather know for sure that rock is solid than rush things up and end up having the building collapse upon me some day. I don't mind being single and I wish my next relationship will be my last. 

  -Can't this all be a dream I'm seeing? Why can't things go back again? Things weren't as much crappy! And... You were so much happy then.  -I know how you feel, it's aching, but I've nothing to say than I'm sorry. That happiness is now a facade,The person you want is a memory. Erase it if you can I beg, It'll bring you all but sorrow, If time asks for change, no choice ,  would you still be you tomorrow?  -I know Time is but absolute, and the changes it sets are too, But isn't changing through it all alone is really selfish of you? We are all imperfect, that was  the base what made our bond of, But wasn't growing and accepting it is what we should've been fond of? Erasing isn't easy, you know that you gave my life a purpose Do you want me to be a human with no core, living off on the surface? Let's not go back, but change together, being 'Us' would be much handier, With the deepest and truest as we could grow and change, ple...

 I stare at my profile and sometimes my eyes fall on the header it shows, bolded letters, almost proud, calling out a name, Piyush Baral. And I wander who this person actually is.  Is it the picture that is displayed above it? Or the hand that had typed it or the mind that is making it write it? Is piyush the vibes he tries to send? Or the memories others save about him for him to be? Does his belief makes him piyush? Or does his emotions radiating around do?  They say every cells around the body is completely replaced at about 7 years. Many memories fade, we learn and unlearn new things every passing moment. People with alzheimer's or some form of memory disorders lose their entire identity yet they are themselves. How?  The thought or belief Piyush had a year ago completely contradicts the ones he has right now too,  the looks he had changes conatantly, he learns and unlearns many skills constantly, his taste changes and his thought processes and preferences c...

  There is temptation looming in every corner,exploiting any kind of company you have,going against every rationale and ideals you have. The tempting desire of wanting more. It never ends, the desire. It doesn't look at the possibilities or the impossibilities. Dreams don't come with limitations or any kind of control do they? Hope too eventually always looms around and clings onto expectations unwantingly. When the frog desires to jump too far off the well without anyn specific plan, sometimes its poisoned, sometimes its dehydrated and sometimes it finds a pond. Sometimes it blooms, with Desire. To know better, to do better, to be better , sometimes become pointless. Don't lose the grasp of yourslef when you chase sin, of gluttony lust or pride.

 I always wanted to learn new things, have new experiences, meet new people, go to new places. And sometimes I keep myself busy looking at old pictures living old experiences, turn off my phone and be with myself, lay down and read books or comics.  Talking a lot sometimes or being silent for months, trying to give hands of help as much as I can or keeping myself busy in anything but myself, Being vibrant, living the moment, yet trying my best to not go with the flow. Only dead fish go with the flow they say.  Talking with small kids the same and the old ones too. Guys the same and girls too. Being a cold hearted asshole or showing genuene love for you.  I like cofee the same and icecream too, tea the same and kulfi too. I love metal the same and classical too, guitar gives as much peace as the flutes do. But in this big ball of randomness, what actually defines me? And what do I mean to you too?  In this ever flowing time, in this life, where do I stand actuall...

 Not a day passed without thinking about them. The morning starts with a bitterness of the reality after the sweet sweet dreams of them and the night ends with hope of maybe tomorrow will be something different. They are everywhere in my thoughts and dreams, in hopes and wishes, in prayers and concerns. They are there every time of the day, smiling, happy collected, at peace, with me, in my thoughts. But in reality, they are not. Not there, not smiling, not collected, not at peace, not with me, not even with themselves.

 You see, whenever you love someone or are looking for a relationship , there are specific standards, criterias expectations to be met. There are hopes and dreams, there is care, there is a personal space everyone needs. There are certain lines in every step of relations, there are certain ties on every types of relations. Trying to match up with everything, trying to fit in, trying to hold on, trying to make a balance, one day you suddenly realise that you never actually chased for love but for the title behind it and the criteria that needed to be filled. Why would you even have to chase it if it was supposed to be for you?

 The year 2020 has given a lot of things to me. Good things and bad things; balanced things. The biggest thing it gave me was time, excess amount of it. Sometimes I wonder if the universe is playing some kind of dirty game with me, constantly filling me full of shit it loves serving on my plates. And sometimes I wonder if the universe is on my side, subtly helping me at times, making things work out just perfectly for me.  This year was the one where it was on my side.12:58 am, december 31st,2019, I closed my eyes, panting, as I was running to the rooftop not wanting to miss the change that was happening on the dhaka skies, change that was gonna happen on the calander and change I wanted to happen in me; I was panting like crazy, relieved though, talking to the moon, smiling and awe struck at the beautiful sky, determined.  With eyes lit up with enthusiasm, heart burning with desperation, I looked up to the sky lantern we just flew off (which crashed down shortly), I made...