Mood Fixer Elixir

  -Can't this all be a dream I'm seeing? Why can't things go back again? Things weren't as much crappy! And... You were so much happy then.  -I know how you feel, it's aching, but I've nothing to say than I'm sorry. That happiness is now a facade,The person you want is a memory. Erase it if you can I beg, It'll bring you all but sorrow, If time asks for change, no choice ,  would you still be you tomorrow?  -I know Time is but absolute, and the changes it sets are too, But isn't changing through it all alone is really selfish of you? We are all imperfect, that was  the base what made our bond of, But wasn't growing and accepting it is what we should've been fond of? Erasing isn't easy, you know that you gave my life a purpose Do you want me to be a human with no core, living off on the surface? Let's not go back, but change together, being 'Us' would be much handier, With the deepest and truest as we could grow and change, ple...

 I stare at my profile and sometimes my eyes fall on the header it shows, bolded letters, almost proud, calling out a name, Piyush Baral. And I wander who this person actually is.  Is it the picture that is displayed above it? Or the hand that had typed it or the mind that is making it write it? Is piyush the vibes he tries to send? Or the memories others save about him for him to be? Does his belief makes him piyush? Or does his emotions radiating around do?  They say every cells around the body is completely replaced at about 7 years. Many memories fade, we learn and unlearn new things every passing moment. People with alzheimer's or some form of memory disorders lose their entire identity yet they are themselves. How?  The thought or belief Piyush had a year ago completely contradicts the ones he has right now too,  the looks he had changes conatantly, he learns and unlearns many skills constantly, his taste changes and his thought processes and preferences c...

  There is temptation looming in every corner,exploiting any kind of company you have,going against every rationale and ideals you have. The tempting desire of wanting more. It never ends, the desire. It doesn't look at the possibilities or the impossibilities. Dreams don't come with limitations or any kind of control do they? Hope too eventually always looms around and clings onto expectations unwantingly. When the frog desires to jump too far off the well without anyn specific plan, sometimes its poisoned, sometimes its dehydrated and sometimes it finds a pond. Sometimes it blooms, with Desire. To know better, to do better, to be better , sometimes become pointless. Don't lose the grasp of yourslef when you chase sin, of gluttony lust or pride.

 I always wanted to learn new things, have new experiences, meet new people, go to new places. And sometimes I keep myself busy looking at old pictures living old experiences, turn off my phone and be with myself, lay down and read books or comics.  Talking a lot sometimes or being silent for months, trying to give hands of help as much as I can or keeping myself busy in anything but myself, Being vibrant, living the moment, yet trying my best to not go with the flow. Only dead fish go with the flow they say.  Talking with small kids the same and the old ones too. Guys the same and girls too. Being a cold hearted asshole or showing genuene love for you.  I like cofee the same and icecream too, tea the same and kulfi too. I love metal the same and classical too, guitar gives as much peace as the flutes do. But in this big ball of randomness, what actually defines me? And what do I mean to you too?  In this ever flowing time, in this life, where do I stand actuall...

 Not a day passed without thinking about them. The morning starts with a bitterness of the reality after the sweet sweet dreams of them and the night ends with hope of maybe tomorrow will be something different. They are everywhere in my thoughts and dreams, in hopes and wishes, in prayers and concerns. They are there every time of the day, smiling, happy collected, at peace, with me, in my thoughts. But in reality, they are not. Not there, not smiling, not collected, not at peace, not with me, not even with themselves.

 You see, whenever you love someone or are looking for a relationship , there are specific standards, criterias expectations to be met. There are hopes and dreams, there is care, there is a personal space everyone needs. There are certain lines in every step of relations, there are certain ties on every types of relations. Trying to match up with everything, trying to fit in, trying to hold on, trying to make a balance, one day you suddenly realise that you never actually chased for love but for the title behind it and the criteria that needed to be filled. Why would you even have to chase it if it was supposed to be for you?

 The year 2020 has given a lot of things to me. Good things and bad things; balanced things. The biggest thing it gave me was time, excess amount of it. Sometimes I wonder if the universe is playing some kind of dirty game with me, constantly filling me full of shit it loves serving on my plates. And sometimes I wonder if the universe is on my side, subtly helping me at times, making things work out just perfectly for me.  This year was the one where it was on my side.12:58 am, december 31st,2019, I closed my eyes, panting, as I was running to the rooftop not wanting to miss the change that was happening on the dhaka skies, change that was gonna happen on the calander and change I wanted to happen in me; I was panting like crazy, relieved though, talking to the moon, smiling and awe struck at the beautiful sky, determined.  With eyes lit up with enthusiasm, heart burning with desperation, I looked up to the sky lantern we just flew off (which crashed down shortly), I made...